*This entry is part of my journal written April 2013
As I waited outside the operating room while my mom’s
cataract was being removed, I found myself wishing I had just become a doctor.
You see, my mom had always wanted me to be one and I, too, was already in pursuit
of a medical degree many many years ago. In fact, I took up BS Psychology as a
pre-medical course because I wanted to cure my father who also suffered from a
psychiatric condition during his adult years. His compatriots would always
tease him as having “war-shock” (because he was a military man) but my dad
would jokingly say now that he “shocked the war.” Hehe. Anyway, it was really
for my father that I dreamed of becoming a doctor.
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| Only reminds me of my frustrated career in medicine... Sniff sniff.. |
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| Our home blood pressure monitor... |
Truth was, after college graduation, I already passed the
NMAT (National Medical Admission Test). Unfortunately, I was not accepted in
the school where I wanted to study medicine. Pride took a hold of me so that I
totally abandoned the plan even if I passed the entrance exam in another
school. L Sigh. Ayan tuloy. That’s what happens
when we become proud. Haha. Sorry to me.
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| Nursing students studying in the mall... Kristine (rightmost) plans to pursue medicine after graduation. (L-R) John Bacero, Johanna Ramos, Kristine Soriano |
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| S-M-I-L-E!! |
So there I was in the hospital, looking after my mom, seeing doctors left and right, all cleanly clad in their white coats and uniforms. I was insecure. I was envious.
But, later on I thought, “If I was bound to be bipolar, would it have been better if I went to medical school? Would I have had the capacity to go through the stresses of med school and the medical practice itself?” I took a long pause and said to myself, “Maybe not.” Sleep deprivation itself, which is basic in the daily lives of medical students and practitioners is a no-no for polar bears like me. That lifestyle would have aggravated my condition.
Slowly, I saw the wisdom of God. What I regretted as a wrong
decision (not pursuing medicine out of pride) turned out to be the best path
for me. Now, I am not a doctor but a patient. But, I’m a patient who had been
graciously blessed by God.
I’m not a doctor but a patient who would want to help people
through my writing. I’m not a doctor but a patient who would love to heal others
while I myself am being healed. J
With God, there are NO SHATTERED DREAMS. J
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| My version of being a white-clad doctor.. My tools? White shades white floral top and my white laptop named "Snow" (not in picture). Hehe. |
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| Me putting eye medicines on mom daily I'm now my mom's private nurse. Hehe. |
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| Mommeh's eye medicines.. Lots of them.. Eeeep! |
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| I'm a both a PATIENT and a DOCTOR (in my own little way). |
Hope mommy's doing well...mas magaling ata ang nurse niya ^_^ hee hee
ReplyDeleteSi lola ko waiting pa rin..docs have to stabilize the pressure of her eyes..bago daw mag-surgery..
Yes, mommy is doing better now. Tomorrow is her last eye check-up although she will have maintenance meds ata for eye pressure to prevent glaucoma.. Pls send my hugs to lola.. Hope everything will stabilize on her part.. Take care :)
DeleteSo true Ate Dana! Not everyone may be a doctor but all of us can be healers. :-) Thank God that His ways prevail!
ReplyDeleteOh, that's very beautifully said, Trees. Thank God indeed. :)
DeleteThanks for this Ate Dana! :)
ReplyDeleteGlad you appreciated the message, dear. No shattered dreams. :)
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