Why Polar Bear?

My dear reader,

What images come to your mind when you think of a polar bear? Maybe a white fuzzy bear treading the Arctic Circle snow. Or the same animal diving the icy cold ocean in search for food. Or simply a cuddly bear given to you by a beloved someone which you hug as you slumber. J

 The only teddy bear that I have. Would you believe that during one of my episodes

I cut my teddy's fluffy feet, thinking my bear was evil? Poor teddy... 

Now, you might be thinking why I refer to myself as a POLAR BEAR.. Well, simply because I’m “bi-polar” (hahaha what a no-brainer!). Seriously though, I feel that I have some of the characteristics of the said bear.

For one, these bears have many body characteristics adapted for cold temperatures. I think that as a Christian, I have protection from God that allows me to survive as a bipolar in this “cold” and ruthless world. His love gives me enough warmth especially when I feel the stigma against psychiatric patients like me. I am safe and covered in His arms.

Another reason is this: the scientific name of polar bear, Ursus maritimus means “maritime bear.” Even though most of these bears are born on land, they spend most of their time in the sea (Wikipedia). As for me, the sea has been a delight. I love beaches, snorkeling and just looking at the beauty of God’s creation underwater. I also like swimming and doing laps if there’s a pool nearby. I praise God for the way He has created me – a sea and water-lover.

Dec 2012 in Coron, Palawan with my nephews and niece 

(L-R) Teejay, Bien, Mariah and me

           

Lastly, years back, I wasn’t as “soft-hearted” and “cuddly” or “friendly” as I am now (naks!). Family members and friends would attest to the fact that I used to have a very strong personality and I was very proud. I was never close to my family before. I lived an independent life and I barely, if not, provided for the financial needs of my parents who were already retired at that time. My mental breakdown softened me so much. It changed the way I saw life. It brought me closer to God and my family. I wouldn’t exchange anything for the experience that I had. J 

In our backyard garden with my teddy

I will not say, however, that I am totally okay. My character still needs a lot of fixing and I am still vulnerable to psychotic episodes especially if I am “pasaway” (stubborn), for example, if I  drink anything with caffeine again.

So, maybe, the next time you pass by a stuffed toy store or visit the internet and you see a polar bear, please say a prayer for me. Please pray for the healing of my mind, for self-discipline to follow my doctor’s advices and for continuous positive perspective in life.

Thank you, my dearest reader. J

Love,

Your Polar Bear Friend

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Mwah, mwah, mwah!